i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
