it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
the gays at disneyland are vicious
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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