Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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