Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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