in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Are my feet made of real feet?
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
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