The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
My legs feel like baby dolphins
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
