erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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