how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
