got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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