I am midnight drunk by noon
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
