i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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