new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
