We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
