i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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