Clothes are such an inconvenience.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
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