after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Randomize
