sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
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The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
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You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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