Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
