he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
My Higher Power is John Stamos
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize
