She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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