I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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