She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
