Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Randomize
