dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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