tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
