Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Randomize
