dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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