Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Randomize
