He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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