I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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