It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
