You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Randomize
