Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize