We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
