oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
