I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
