did you get engaged???
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
