so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
