dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
