Well apparently he's into motor boating.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Too much gin, very little bucket
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
