Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
