He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
