I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I smell like Dick and happiness
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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