All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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