man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
