she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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