we have officially lost it.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
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His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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