My room smells like vodka and shame
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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