Just fell off a train. Bad.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
