I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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