I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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