I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
