i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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