she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
It was confusing and full of hummus
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
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Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
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My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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