I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
