oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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