I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Randomize
