You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Randomize
