the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
