Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
