Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
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