did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
