So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
