THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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