She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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