just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
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