I think my fart just growled at me.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
