take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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