I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
