Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
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At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
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I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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