There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Randomize
