That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
