I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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