the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
