Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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