I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
