I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
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