The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
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