Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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