i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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