addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
