Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
The Olympian is in my bed
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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